Relationships: Reasoning with God's Word about Dating

Isaiah 1:18-20 (KJV)

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD:  though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.  If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land:  But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it.

If I say to you “The dating relationship in our culture is…

a) …not supported biblically;”

 b) …a man-ordained relationship;”

 c) … medically & socially unhealthy,”

you may choose to either respond emotionally to the statement, and/or you may choose to challenge the statement after doing the research.  I pray you do the latter.

After you search the Scriptures with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and search through the topic in the medical & social literature, you might offer a summation of your findings. 

If you determine, after diligently researching the topic, that dating is biblical and productive, then continue along that path. 

If you discern that the Scriptures and the facts support the first three sub-statements (a,b & c), then the next question might be, “Then how do I find someone to marry?”  And here lies one of the major quandaries of today’s Christian and non-Christian.

If I say to you that the answer to the dilemma is to Love (agape) the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength…And the second…love (agape) thy neighbour as thyself (Mark 12:29-31).  You might respond, “What does this have to do with the question?”

EVERYTHING! God has a way of answering our questions thoroughly, but unexpectedly.  Since it is unexpected, we usually flush His answer and go off to find our own. 

A great example of this occurred in Genesis Chapter 2, where God spoke into reality that it was not good that man should be alone.  So in addressing this dilemma, He began to have man name the animals.  There seems to be no connection to naming the animals & solving the dilemma of man not being alone upon initial analysis.  After this activity is completed, God Himself states that the animals are not the answer to the dilemma.  Then He puts the man to sleep.  Wait!  Is this action connected to the dilemma at hand?  God then does surgery on the man.  Again…by itself, not an act connected to solving the dilemma.  Ahhh, but then He began to create a being from a piece of the man and breathes the breath of life into her causing her to become a living soul!  Now we see the answer to the dilemma created by God Himself. 

When God starts to answer our questions, He desires to transform our thinking from fleshly to Godly.  Will we wait around for Him to perform the necessary first actions before we wander off to create our own solution?  Will we trust Him to create, with the greatest specification, an answer to the reality of this life He created (e.g. it is not good for man to be alone; man should be fruitful—spiritually, and multiply—spiritually & physically; your desire will be for your husband)?  (see Genesis 1:28, 2:18, 3:16-19, 6:5-7)

Will we carry on with the work He has ordained for us to do in the midst of sensing the natural reality of it “not being good to be alone? “  Will we name the animals Genesis 2:19-20; love the Lord…obey His voice…cleave unto Him  Deuteronomy 30:20; minister to kings book of Daniel; perform John the Baptist’s calling Luke 1:13-17; or, be discipled by Paul to minister to the Believers 1^st & 2^nd Timothy with God's supernatural grace?

Will we wait upon God, His timing, and His way; or will we grasp for things ordained by men (2 Samuel 13) that have no other outcome but chaos, death, and destruction? 

Unfortunately, today’s reality with relationships inside and outside the church attest to us choosing with great gusto the things ordained by man.  We seem unaware of sitting at the Father’s feet, loving Him, worshipping Him, wanting Him above all else and anyone else.  We seem unaware that much of the chaos, unrest and sadness of our lives are the effects of our sin nature, the sin nature of others, and an outcome of us choosing man-ordained ways to live. 

Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10).

God provided for us ways to find the answer through His Word, The Holy Spirit, and firstly through a surrendered relationship through Jesus Christ so we can access the first two provisions. 

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life:  no man cometh unto the Father, but by me…But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you (John 14:6, 26).

Will you continue in the chaos of man-made traditions, Christian or otherwise, or will you take the supernatural cure that is Christ and His Way?

Genesis 3:16 Are You Navigating Through the Chaos of the Curses or Have You Taken the Cure?

Christ is the Cure for the Curse(s)

Genesis 3:16 (KJV)
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Genesis 3:16  (NAS) 
To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you."

Genesis Chapter 3 contains many curses given by God Himself.  There are ones that none of us can escape.  But there are some for which we need to take the cure provided by God instead of living under the control of the curse spoken into the life of sinful flesh. 

Followers of Christ are set free from the chains that bind unredeemed souls. 
     Luke 4:18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He anointed me to preach the   
    gospel to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery
   of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed...(NAS)
  
     John 8:31-36 So Jesus was saying to those Jews who believed in Him, "If you continue in My
     word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make
     you free...So if the Son makes you free, you will be free in deed." (NAS)
  
     Galations 5:1 It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not
     be subject again to a yoke of slavery. (NAS)

Speaking as a female and a Christian, one of the most pervasive burdens I have lived under is the rabid desire for a man.  Our society, both Christian & non-Christian feeds this desire.  We spend countless hours & funds on encouraging people to navigate through the chaos of the curse of this burdensome desire as opposed to pointing people to Christ and His cure for the curse. 

And, as is typical when man or Satan handles God's word, we have distorted it in so many ways, that even the curse has morphed into grotesque variations.  The word husband in the original Hebrew is transliterated 'iysh (eesh). As a noun, it can mean man (man, male, husband, human being, person, servant, mankind, champion, great man); or whosoever.  In our society today, Woman desires not just her husband, she desires someone else's husband.  Woman desires a man, any man.  She desires not just one man, but many men in her lifetime.  Woman desires also the leadership position of the man.  She desires also woman.  Her life is burdened with desire. 

We have dressed up the desire and made it look appealing.  We have given it many great forms.  The melodious ballad of a love song. The mythical story of the princess awaiting her prince charming.  The music and stories are all so fantastic!  They evoke such warm, pleasant fantasy that they are usually not seen in truth.  Surely this desire is a good thing, we surmise. 

The word desire in the original Hebrew is transliterated T@shuwqah (tesh-oo-kaw').  Synonyms include the word longing or craving.  It is used 2 other times in the Old Testament.   In Genesis 4:7 God spoke to Cain to give him insight into his own heart and the remedy for his jealousy.   ...And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it (NAS).  In Song of Solomon 7:10, presumably Solomon's love speaks of his desire for her.  I am my beloved's and his desire is for me (NAS). 

God instead calls us to love (agape) Him with all of our heart, and all of our soul,  and all of our mind, and all our strength (paraphrase of Mark 12:29-30).  While we can receive the freedom to do so through a life fully surrendered through Christ; we instead give God the shreds of left overs because of the time consuming, pressing weight of desire for so many other things.  

As my brother-in-law Ken preached in a recent sermon, "TAKE THE CURE!  TAKE THE CURE!"

 

Part 2: Benefits of Marriage versus the Purpose of Marriage

Scripture presents the benefits of marriage in Old & New Testament.  We, as is our nature, have created our own benefits for marriage.  As we have distorted the purpose and benefits of marriage, so have we lived and witnessed the distortion of marriage.  This distortion of marriage has affected all of our other relationships—our relationship with God, parents, children, friends, siblings, etc.

Benefits:  comfort (Genesis 24:67) internal harmony & peace; someone to love (Gen 24:67); oneness (Gen 2:24) intimacy without shame (Gen 2:24);  not alone (Gen 2); a child (Gen 17:16) children  (Gen 4:1-2),  fruit of the womb (Deutoronomy 7:13-14); fruit of thy loins (Psalm 127:3-5); responsibility to teach them about God (Deut 4:9-10); an available sexual partner – so you don’t burn in passion (1 Co 7:9); to avoid fornication (1 Cor 7:2); enjoy the wife of thy youth ( Prov 5:18); an honourable thing (Hebrews 13:4) 

Our Perceived Benefits:  someone to grow old with; double income or ↑financial security; ↓financial burden; ↑buying capacity; companionship; ↑status in society; someone to talk to; two parents; dedicated support system; emotional support; warmth (compassion); BFF

Purpose:  To glorify God, follow God only (Deut 7:3-4); to love God above all else (Deut 10:12-13; Deut 6:5),  to be a servant in the kingdom of God on earth (Matthew 1:22-23), Be spiritually fruitful, to have dominion, multiply the likeness (spiritual image) of God on earth (Genesis 1:26-28).  To worship God:  this is what some or all of the heavenly creatures do all day (Rev 7:15; 22:9).  Sometimes, God ordains that service to Him will occur with a help mate.  Not to teach him, but to support him—be in prayer for him, care for him, nurture/support him (e.g. Christ asked the disciples to watch while He prayed in the Garden – Matthew 26:38-40); So he can fight the good fight; cover him in prayer/she covers him in prayer… as he or both minister to widows, orphans & strangers together (Acts 18:2,18, 26; Romans 16:3; 1 Cor 16:19 Aquila & Priscilla).  She was created to support him in his service to God.  In our fallen world, there are many distortions of this design.  We are to be spiritual support for each other in our service to God (Ephesians 5:23-33).  The body of Christ corporate > to families>to individuals. 

Our Perceived Purpose:  we crave a mate to fill the emptiness; to ↓the parenting burden; ↓ financial burden; to entertain us; to engage in eros (romantic) love with us; to improve our station in life; to meet the demands of our flesh, our parents or our society. All of these motivations result in various forms of chaos & discord.  Whether young or old, married or single, IS YOUR MAIN FOCUS to worship & serve God?  Or is it something else? (Christ on marriage Matthew 19:1-10-12; Paul on marriage 1 Cor 7:8)

Supernatural Reality:  Marriage was created by God in the beginning for His purposes.  He ordained that the spiritual image of Him should be multiplied upon the earth through this union between one man and one woman.  He orchestrated the union.  It is an honorable state.  Putting it in perspective with eternity; there will be no individual marrying in heaven because it is not needed for righteous man living with God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit (Matthew 22:29-30; Rev 19:7-9; 21:9). 

Benefits of Marriage versus the Purpose of Marriage

Are we Confusing the Benefits of Marriage with the Purpose of Marriage?

What is the purpose of marriage?

     When asked this question, first there is hesitation, then thoughtful consideration.  Thoughtful consideration is followed by sincere speculation…”Mmmm, the purpose of marriage is to find someone to love…have a lifetime partner…to make us happy…to be fulfilled…to have companionship…to have friendship…to have children.” 

Okay, so if those are the purposes of marriage, then What are the benefits of marriage?

     We confuse the benefits of marriage with the purpose of marriage.  The purpose, or reason for marriage is the same as the purpose for living.  We were created for God’s Purposes.  To glorify Him, serve Him, obey Him, fellowship intimately with Him.  Through marriage we are to do the same, and facilitate the other person in doing so as well.  (Mark 12:29-31; Exodus 8:1; Exodus 20; Hosea 6:6; John 15:14)

     Most specifically, God provided Eve for Adam to help him in his service to God.  A part of their service to God was to be fruitful and multiply (Gen 1:28).  This fruitfulness was spoken of in the Old Testament to others also:  the animals (Gen 1:22  ); Noah (Gen9 ); Abraham (Gen 17:6); Ishmael (17:20); Jacob (26:22) and others. 

     While there is a physical component to this fruitfulness in order to obey Gods command of multiplying upon the earth, there is also a spiritual component.  This can be appreciated in looking at least 2 sets of passages in Genesis.  In Genesis 1:26-27; God spoke of creating man in His image (plural).  Since God is spirit, then He was probably not referring to the physical nature of man.  Secondly, in Genesis 6, men & women were marrying and multiplying upon the earth.  Yet, God was displeased.  With what was He displeased?  Were they not marrying & physically multiplying?  Matthew Henry comments in great detail what displeased God.

     Synopsis of key points by Matthew Henry Complete Commentary on the Whole Bible, 1706:  God spoke the blessing of man to be fruitful; man distorted the gift and abused it; Sons of God – descendents of those of Seth’s line that “called upon the name of the Lord,” saw the daughters of man – descendents of those of Cain’s line that did not worship God.  The sons of God chose by sight who they wanted to marry.  They did not seek God’s counsel.  Sin on Earth grew.  The penalty for sin against God is death in some form.  This time He chose physical death.  See full commentary at:  http://www.studylight.org/com/mhc-com/view.cgi?book=ge&chapter=6&verse=2#Ge6_2

**If we create our own purpose for marriage, then we also create our reasons for divorce.  For example, if my purpose for marriage is for someone to please me, and they don't, then my reasons will cause me to leave that marriage and seek someone else to fulfill the purpose I have established.**

(to be continued)