Comparing Calamities
and Other Sinful Acts
of a Self-Righteous Heart
During Sunday morning service, as I
listened to the Pastor share a very personal story from his family life, I
began comparing my own family’s multiple calamities.
“Well, I am thankful that my son has not
committed suicide.”
I had heard the story before, and may have even thought similar thoughts. This
time, however, God did not let the thoughts go unquestioned.
“What do I mean by that?” came the
question from within.
Were my family’s achievements in
competition with those of other families?
Was it better or more admirable for a child’s life to be wasted in
prison behind bars multiple times? Were
my son’s decisions that had countless negative ripple effects upon those around
him somehow better than the Pastor’s son’s decisions?
In a matter of milliseconds, God
had uncovered my self-righteousness. In
a matter of milliseconds He had also made clear the reason for my constant
grief regarding my family—both nuclear and extended.
The sermon on which the Pastor was
teaching was a biblical view of hope. It was funny that I had been just that
morning and in the week preceding, tossing over some questions and thoughts
about hope. My thoughts had rambled on
in this direction: If the hope spoke of
in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 was to be personified by one of the members of the
Trinity, to Whom would it be most like?
If God is love and it is the greatest of the three—faith, hope and love—then
Who would be faith and Who would be hope?
I had just surmised that morning that it might be The Holy Spirit since the
New Testament directed us to have faith in Jesus Christ.
I had forgotten several key
concepts when studying and meditating on Scripture. It is very important to first extract the
worldly or secular definition of a word or concept, and see clearly the
Biblical view of the word or concept before going too far. The other concept I had forgotten was that
the Trinity is an inexplicable Oneness and cannot be separated as easily as my
human mind would like.
As the Sunday morning sermon
unfolded, an interesting question came to mind.
“I
wonder what this couple would say God has taught them over the past eight years
about their calamity?”
Towards the end of the sermon, the
Pastor shared one of the things God had spoken clearly on after more than a
year of mourning. Hope.
Based on several passages in the Bible, he
defined hope as the confident expectation
that all God is and has promised in His Word will come true (Hebrews
6;18-20; 1 Thessalonians 5:8; Psalm 39:7; Romans 15:13, and 1 Peter 1:3).
Later that day, as Patrick and I
pedaled over ten miles along Apopka Vineland, God kept probing and teaching. If anyone would read through my many journals
reflecting several years of thought, they would see a glimpse of what God
already knew. I was grieving about the many
calamities in my nuclear and extended family’s lives.
My feet pedaled rapidly as the
thoughts gained greater clarity. I was
grieving my unfulfilled dreams for my family.
I wanted them all, or at least most of them to be successful…productive. I wanted them to be visibly and outwardly
blessed! I was mourning the loss of “my
kingdom come” without having any idea of God’s kingdom come in my family’s
life.
While I wanted the spiritually
correct things for my family members…for them to know the Lord, surrender to
God and His call…I knew that it all would make me feel better.
“What
does God want for each of their lives?”
“Would
it be okay with me if God did not do any of the things that I was begging and
praying for Him to do in their lives?”
I remembered being at a similar
crossroads over two decades ago when I was bargaining and asking God to change
Patrick. Our marriage was filled with
strife because of his strong will and my strong will constantly clashing. We were throwing around the word divorce.
God asked me a seemingly unthinkable question even then.
“What if I never change
Patrick? Will you surrender and let Me
work on you? Do you trust me?”
(Silence) “But God…”
So again I am here. God has uncovered my self-righteous,
competitive heart. He has exposed the
reality that I am so much more concerned about my kingdom come and less about
His Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
No matter how nonspiritual it may sound, I really do not trust God with
certain things.
God is calling me to trust Him and
totally surrender up my dreams for a perfect family, my desire to look better
than the Jones’, and my limited understanding of His Will be done. God is calling me to put my hope in Him alone—not
in this world, my family, or my dreams. He
is asking for it all…
Thank
You Lord for taking the time and effort to teach me. Thank You for looking beyond my faults and
seeing my spiritual needs and choosing to bless me immeasurably anyway.
B. Peters © 12/2015
